Random Notions and Stories of Teaching

October 04, 2006

Decisions

I've been thinking a lot lately about our life (HH and mine). I am sick to death of spinning my wheels and settling. Let me go back and explain a little before I continue.

My brother is going to be so successful one day. He's smart as whip. He's funny and he's caring. He will do whatever he wants to do. Companies are fighting to hire him right out of school.

I've never had that. People put up with me. The teachers I sub for love me, but I apparently don't make an impression on the administration for whatever reason. No one wants to hire me. I fully realize that there will always be someone better at my job than me. That's true for everyone. However, EVERYONE being better at my job than me is killing whatever confidence I might have had. Subbing will not be my life. I'll find some boring 9-5 job before I sub for 20 years.

Meanwhile, HH is stuck in a position with absolutely no options for advancement. He's associated with Head Coach who is on the Athletic Director's bad list (anyone associated with soccer is on that list). Head Coach is a wonderful man who I think of as family. The AD has all but broken whatever spirit Head Coach had. He's awful. HH and Head Coach must make the conference tournament or Head Coach is gone. Right now, the team is hemorraging. Someone has to get control - winning is the last thing on anyone's mind. HH is as loyal as they come - even more loyal than me at times, but staying at The College will ultimately hurt his career, not help it. When he leaves (not if), he's really going to miss those girls.

But back to the wheel spinning...

As far as I can tell, HH and I are in the same position. Stuck in neutral.

I think we have to get out of this town.

Pros to staying (as I see them)
  • Living in a house, rent free.
  • Living close to my parents.
  • Being able to have 3 cats and a dog (what apartment or rental house allows that?)
  • Living on the farm.
  • Being close to family.
  • I already have my Ohio license - I wouldn't have to go through an application process to get a license in another state.
  • Three years time put in subbing toward a full-time position.
  • Living close to my friends.
  • Doctors I know and like for HH and myself
Cons to staying (as I see them)
  • Dismal job market not only for me, but HH as well.
  • They're selling the farm anyway - they'll be gone in 7 months anyway.
  • Living across from the quarry. It's dusty, dirty, and LOUD.
  • Choosing to live dangerously close to poverty just to have a chance "someday" of getting a job.
  • Continuing to wait to begin our life.
  • Relying on others not just each other.
  • No baby in the near future.
  • Living paycheck to paycheck.
Pros to Leaving (as I see them) - contingent upon both of us having jobs
  • Possibility of walking into a full-time position for one or both of us, depending on where we move.
  • Finally starting my career.
  • Paying off student loans.
  • HH getting his masters which will help him get a better job.
  • Being able to attempt National Board certification
  • Being able to start a family!
  • Weight loss surgery? It might at least be an option.
  • The farm is being sold anyway - what am I holding on to or trying to hold on to?
  • Being able to take vacations.
  • Paying off car loans.
  • Can still keep in touch with family and friends via email, IM, and phone.
  • Make new friends!
Cons to Leaving (as I see them)
  • Moving! Ugh. The thought makes me queasy.
  • Leaving my mom.
  • Leaving Twin.
  • Possibly having to give up one or more pets.
  • Finding new doctors for HH and myself.
  • Getting a new license - even though I've got a current negative FBI search letter good for 2 years.
  • Starting a family away from family.
  • Renting.
  • Change.
  • Failing.

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